I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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