i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
