i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
