The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
