the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
