WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
