While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
