So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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