Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
