she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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