Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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