it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
there is puke in my bra ... again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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