Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drunk is not a location!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
