life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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