GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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