is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
