Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
