Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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