I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
