I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
