Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
