can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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