I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
