i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
