apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
