i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
