so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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