just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
