im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
