This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
