do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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