Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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