Buhtt sex?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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