He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
