She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
