Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mom said you looked used
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
