What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
