I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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