If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
