Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
