last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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