Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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