I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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