if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
