Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
