Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
