I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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