i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
