I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
