i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
