I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
