you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
