your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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