My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
