is your mom at the bar?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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