Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
