Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i came on her dog
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
