Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
