Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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