you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
